These are the mistakes which everybody does that often destroys success, relationships, friendships, self-esteem, courage, and awareness: Forethought and Mindreading.
And these two monsters love the master chief judgment very well! So if you see something – what you expect will happen? And what do you think will be the reasons that it will happen?
Maybe you shouldn’t believe all your thoughts?
Why: It´s a way of self-sabotage.
It will limit your possibilities.
It will let you react in a certain way.
Because and there´s the point: most of the time you are 100% sure that it is exactly right what you think. But we are fools because this will be cheated by selective perception – you see things that you want to see. If you want to see that a person is not reliable or competent or… you will exactly see and notice the signs for that. This is how our lazy brain works.
Perception is pre-processed based on old stuff and just verifies. Compare it with driving a car. You don’t think about every thing you do until you really, really do the effort of being super-concentrated. So we can see the virtual future and we create the future in our mind every second.
From past experience, one should realize that it makes no sense to predict the future and think we can read people’s mind because sooooo many fairy-tales and fantasy films are written on that topics and it is a human ultra topic, we all do it… so stupid!
But don’t be upset about yourself – it happens automatically. The alert-system in your brain is super fast: As it tries to protect us, in every moment, in every situation, millions and trillions of information is processed in ultra speed:
– on the one hand, to determine what will happen next…
– and then to prepare a healthy reaction – a surviving reaction: fight, flight or freeze
If there is a slight sign of danger, the body is hooked up for fighting against the enemy or flight on a tree for safety. And danger also comes from the tribe – we are social „animals“ we need connection, trust, security. Depending on how much trust is „in us“ – built by experience – we are prepared to fight for our status, we fear to be abandoned, we expect to be cheated out and we want to be prepared for that.
So we try to protect us with mind reading and forethought about what people think and will do and why they do and what will they do next … It is really a hard task to give up this because it is so hardwired not to do that and complete trust is a huge, huge risk.
And mind reading and forethought has a bonding functionality to: Everybody does it. It’s also a great source of conversation – we know since a long time that an interesting object to talk about will make two people a subject and will strengthen relationship. So very often it is like: oh he is ++++… or she is like that +++++… she does that because +++++… and tomorrow he will +++++. At the end some horror story unfolds. Or else you dream together .. about life, about love, about business. But constantly be aware: you are not the wizard of Oz – you don´t have a clue about other people because everything you see is just the top of the iceberg and hey how will be the weather tomorrow? We cannot predict 100% the weather so how will you know?
LEADERSHIP QUESTION #:
How will be the life if we would give up mindreading, knowing
What would you do more, what would you do less?
LEADERSHIP Challenge #:
How will be the life and business if you use more questions instead of trying to be an oracle?
Ask and be transparent – in times of uncertainty it is not about making decisions on assumptions; it is collecting data even though maybe asking the question will get us 100% out of our comfort zone.
What you think is what you see!
Your brain doesn’t care if a story is wrong or right, it reacts.
That’s why imagination works to calm us down, to make great decisions to stick with our goals, bad predictive thoughts can totally stress you out although nothing will happen in reality to be stressed about. – be aware of „what if“. And yes – if you think wild things – you will see wild things and then, enjoy a lot of super-toxic stress hormones and other stuff running through your veins, making your heart beat and your head gets foggy, no clear view on things – for the whole time. Fear is not a good adviser. So if we would have the ability to stop it half of the times, how much easier and less stressful our life would be! but do you really want that? A life without mind reading and forethought, judgement and stress :-)?
LEADERSHIP INSIGHT: And don’t fool yourself! – everybody is like you – you are not better then the others 🙂: one very important psychological principle which is called as „the attribution effect„. You should definitely know about that. It does the things other people do „wrong“ from your perspective, you should attribute them to their personality, the thing which you do wrong: you attribute to the circumstances.